The Older Brother

Siblings! They bring out the best in each other and they bring out the worst in each other. Sibling children! They bring out the best in mothers and they bring out the worst too! The age old story of whose fault is it, who started it, speak nicely to each other and more often than not scolding the eldest ‘be nice to your sister she is much younger than you!’

I mentioned before that the little shadow cramps her big brothers space but an incident recently made me realize that to be fair to him he hasn’t had much opportunity to play the role of the big brother. When it comes to his independent sister the caring, kind side of him does not shine so brightly so often and this is not entirely his fault. He sees her as his equal and does not compute the two year gap.

Therefore it was so beautiful recently to see him in action, in all his glory, when we had the neighbours children for a sleepover. My little man spoke with the sweetest voice when he spoke to the 4 year old boy. He would put his arm around him when he asked him if was he ok. He made him a giant train track. He gave him his teddy to sleep with in case he got sad and at 5am I could hear him asking the little boy if he needed the toilet, bringing him and giving him soap to wash his hands.It was a magical way for to start the day. I didn’t have to referee or listen to squabbling first thing. I didn’t have to ask for the siblings to ‘play nicely together’. The house began calm.My little man felt important, mature, proud in that role. I loved him for it. He was the big brother to this little boy and his sister slotted nicely into the little sister role. It may not be a regular reoccurrence but in that moment it reassured me, with quiet pride, that the core kindness is there and its ok for my little man to get frustrated with his sister. I must be the patient one.

In the meantime I will make him feel like the eldest instead of assuming the siblings are equals. He has lots of love to give and as he gets older I have a feeling he will be very proud that he is someone’s big brother.

“Come and see what we have done!”

Starting the week on a new motto I went to bed with the house cleaned, uniforms laid out, everything sorted. It was slightly unsettling this morning when I heard whispers in my slumber…’You bring in all the teddies and I’ll get our duvets’ I thought I heard. Oh no! What were the two monkeys up to? If they are not fighting they are usually quietly scheming.

I could hear things being dragged, lots of giggles and quiet whispers ‘put it here!’ ‘Oh that’s a great idea!’ Then I was beckoned. ‘Muuuummmmm, come and find us!’

I took a big deep breath and tiptoed into the spare room. There, underneath three duvets, six pillows, cushions from the couch, two suitcases, a pile of books, 100’s of teddies, two mattresses, and lots of other building materials were my two little monkeys. ‘Look mum! Look what we have made!’ said one voice. ‘Come into our den!’ said the other voice.

The two little faces looked up at me, so excited and proud of their work, their eyes full of eagerness and desperate for my approval. A big deep breath. With all my motherly power I pushed down any niggling exasperation of the chaos they had, in fairness, unconsciously made, and tried to focus on their imagination and creativity.

‘Wow guys!’

A silent internal OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? ‘wow’ for me and an approving happy ‘wow’ for them. When I looked around their creation they had built a great Den and for that moment, albeit brief, they were playing nicely together and having fun. How could I find fault?  Sibling camaraderie is rare and childhood is all about being creative and imaginative isn’t it? 

I decided to take up their offer and I crawled inside. Their delight was contagious. We huddled under, squashed but cosy and I stayed for a cup of tea. Then… the grown up, the time watcher, the realist, the mum had to go and be a parent ‘come on guys we have to get moving and get ready for school!’Boooooooooooooo to being a parent. I wanted to stay in there for just ‘one more minute’ too.